Question: I'm two months pregnant. When will the baby move?
Answer: If you're lucky, it will be just after he finishes college.
Question: Is it ok to have children after 35?
Answer: No! 35 children is plenty.
Question: As my pregnancy progesses, more and more people smile at me. Why?
Answer: Because you're fatter than they are.
Question: I learnt in my pre-natal course that it isn't pain that I'll feel during labor - it's pressure. Is this correct?
Answer: Yes, in the same way that you might describe a tornado as an air current.
Question: I want to know the sex of my baby. What is the most reliable way of finding out?
What's the difference between a nine-month pregnant woman and a model?
Answer: Nothing (if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's good for him).
Question: How long is the average time for labor?
Answer: Whatever the mother says, divided by two.
Question: After my baby is born, is there anything I should seek to avoid?
Answer: Yes - pregnancy.
Another Childbirth Joke....
A little girl was writing a school report on childbirth, and so she began asking questions about how she was born.
"Well..." replied her mother, somewhat embarassed - "the stork delivered you to the cabbage patch at the bottom of the garden."
"Oh," said the girl. "Well... how about you and daddy - how were you born?"
"Oh, well, the stork brought us too."
The little girl continued with her questions.... "How were grandpa and grandma born?"
"Well honey", said the mother, "the stork brought them too!".
The next day the girl went off to school and handed in the report to her teacher, who started to read the first few lines...
"This report has been very difficult to write because there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."