The one thing women don''t want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning
is their husband.
From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary
to invent it.
You know you''re getting old, when Santa starts looking younger.
I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying,
toys not included.
I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in a department
store, and he asked for my autograph.
Even before Christmas has said Hello, it''s saying ''Buy Buy''
Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present
remembered. What I don''t like about office Christmas parties is looking for
a job the next day.
- Phyllis Diller
The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington,
D.C. This wasn''t for any religious reasons. They couldn''t find three wise men
and a virgin.
Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.
The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world,
and people keep sending it to each other.
Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children,
they are all 30 feet tall.
Don''t expect too much of Christmas Day. You can''t crowd into it any arrears
of unselfishness and kindliness that may have accrued during the past twelve
Christmas is a time when you get homesick - even when you''re home.
He who has not Christmas in his heart will never find it under a tree.
Roy L. Smith
People can''t concentrate properly on blowing other people to pieces if their
minds are poisoned by thoughts suitable to the twenty-fifth of December.
Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and their kids pay for it. Richard Lamm