Funny Announcements Taken from Church Newsletters -
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Funny Announcements Taken from Church Newsletters

A range of interesting funny statements from church newsletters and bulletins.

Don''t let worry kill you. Let the Church help!

Churches normally have a newsletter or bulletin which is distributed to the faithful to keep them up to date with the news of the parish. Sometimes, however, the original meanings of the announcements may be somewhat lost....

  • Please remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
  • This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs Jones to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
  • The beautiful flowers on the altar this morning are to celebrate the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
  • If any of the congregation have children and don''t know it, there is a nursery downstairs.
  • Everyone is welcome this Tuesday at 4 PM for an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
  • At the Ladies Liturgy Society this Thursday, Mrs Smith will sing "Put Me In My Little Bed" accompanied by the pastor.
  • This Friday at 5 PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become Little Mothers, please see the minister in his private study.
  • This week we invite any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
  • The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday.
  • This Monday we will be holding a ''Bean Supper'' in the church hall. Music will follow.
  • The topic for our sermon next week will be "What is Hell?". Come early and listen to our choir practice.
  • This evening there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
  • The 2003 Church Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.
  • ''Weight Watchers'' will meet at 7 PM in the church hall. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
  • There will be a special collection today to pay for eight new choir robes. These are needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
  • Mrs Williams will be going in to hospital this week for testes.
  • Next Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and get a piece of paper.
  • This week our Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.
  • Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan, who are preparing for the girth of their first child.
  • The Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

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