The College Hierarchy -
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The College Hierarchy

Humor about the hierachy of college from the dean to the professor to the undergraduate student.

The Dean...

  • Leaps tall buildings in a single bound;
  • Is more powerful than a locomotive;
  • Is faster than a speeding bullet;
  • Walks on water;
  • Gives policy to God.

Head of Department...

  • Leaps short buildings with a single bound;
  • Is more powerful than a switch engine;
  • Is just as fast as a speeding bullet;
  • Takes a few steps on water;
  • Talks with God.

Professor...

  • Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds;
  • Is almost as powerful as a switch engine;
  • Is faster than a speeding BB;
  • Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool;
  • Talks with God if a special request is honored.

Associate Professor...

  • Barely clears a quonset hut;
  • Loses tug of war with a locomotive;
  • Can fire a speeding bullet;
  • Swims well;
  • Is occasionally addressed by God.

Lecturer...

  • Makes high marks on the walls when trying to leap over tall buildings;
  • Is run over by locomotives;
  • Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury;
  • Treads water.

Instructor...

  • Climbs walls continually;
  • Rides the rails;
  • Plays Russian Roulette;
  • Walks on thin ice;
  • Prays a lot.

Graduate Student...

  • Runs into buildings;
  • Recognizes locomotives two out of three times;
  • Is not issued ammunition;
  • Can stay afloat with a life jacket;
  • Talks to walls.

Undergraduate Student...

  • Falls over the doorstep when trying to enter buildings;
  • Says "Look at the choo-choo";
  • Wets himself with a water pistol;
  • Plays in mud puddles;
  • Mumbles to himself.

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