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College Quotes

Funny quotes about college, student humor and education.

Going to college or university is one of the great rites of passage in Western society. Here we take a look at this tradition through the words of the rich and famous (and a few others)....

  • Samuel Beckett: Dublin university contains the cream of Ireland: Rich and thick.
  • W. H. Auden: Definition of a College professor: someone who talks in other people''s sleep.
  • Ruby Wax: College atheletes used to get a degree in bringing your pencil.
  • Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man''s lifetime income--which he then spends sending his son to college. - Bill Vaughn

Drugs, Sex and Rock''n''Roll

  • Woody Allen: A quick word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said ''no''.
  • College Band Instructor: If you don''t blow hard and finger your parts correctly nothings every going to come out of it.
  • College Student: If sex was a video game, I would be the guy who just presses random buttons.
  • Humprey Bogart: The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
  • Joe Lewis: You''re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
  • Oscar Wilde: I can resist everything except temptation.

Taking Education Seriously

  • G. K. Chesterson: Without education we are in a horrible and deadly danger of taking educated people seriously.
  • Mike Barfield: An encyclopedia is a system for collecting dust in alphabetical order.
  • George Bernard Shaw: He who can does - he who cannot, teaches.
  • Mark Twain: I have never let schooling interfere with my education.
  • Albert Einstein: Education is what remains when one has forgotten everything he learned in school.
  • Robert Frost: College is a refuge from hasty judgment.
  • Mark Twain: Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
  • Robert Gohen: If you feel that you have both feet planted on solid ground, then the university has failed you.
  • George Edwin Howes: The chief value in going to college is that it''s the only way to learn it really doesn''t matter.
  • Anonymous: The freshmen bring a little knowledge in and the seniors take none out, so it accumulates through the years.
  • Elbert Hubbard: You can lead a boy to college, but you can''t make him think.
  • Anonymous: If all the students who slept through lectures were laid end to end, they''d all be a lot more comfortable.

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