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Funny News Stories

A selection of short funny stories which have appeared in the local news.

Police in Oakland, California spent two hours negotiating with a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, they discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting to please come out and give himself up.

AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked "intellectual leadership". He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it is not Walton who is lacking intelligence?

An Illinois man pretended to have a gun, and tried to kidnap a motorist, forcing him to drive to two different automated teller machines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts...

Fire investigators on Maui have determined the cause of a blaze that destroyed a $127,000 home last month - a short in the homeowner's newly installed fire prevention alarm system. "This is even worse than last year," said the distraught homeowner, "when someone broke in and stole my new security system..."

A man walked in to a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Shop, and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the takings weren't enough, so the man tied up the sales advisor and worked the counter himself - for three hours - until police showed up and grabbed him.

In Medford, Oregon, a 27-year-old jobless man with an MBA blamed his college degree for his murder of three people. "There are too many business grads out there," he said. "If I had chosen another field, all this may not have happened."

Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just could not control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I''ll shoot," the man shouted, "That is not what I said!"

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