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Funny Extracts from CVs / Resumes

Extracts from job applications and resumes where the applicants made hilarious mistakes.

Resume Mistakes

"Here are my qualifications for you to overlook."

"Education: College, August 1880-May 1984."

"Work Experience: Dealing with customers' conflicts that arouse."

"Develop and recommend an annual operating expense fudget."

"I'm a rabid typist."

"Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain operation."

Reasons for Leaving your Previous Job:

"Responsibility makes me nervous."

"They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn't work under those conditions."

"Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have never quit a job."

"Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches."

"I was working for my mom until she decided to move."

"The company made me a scapegoat - just like my three previous employers."

Personal Qualities

"I'm married with 9 children. I don't require prescription drugs."

"I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don't let them know of my immediate availability."

"Number of dependents: 40."

"Marital Status: Often. Children: Various."

"I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award."

Special Requests

"Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job."

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