Interpreting Job Advertisements -
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Interpreting Job Advertisements

Humorous translations of terms and phrases found on job advertisements.

  • Competitive salary: We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
  • Join our fast-paced company: We have no time to train you.
  • Casual work atmosphere: We don''t pay you enough to expect that you''ll dress nicely.
  • Must be deadline oriented: You''ll be six months behind schedule on your first day.
  • Must be flexible: On many occasions, you''ll be asked to bend over and grab your ankles.
  • Some overtime required: Some time each night and some time each weekend.
  • Duties will vary: Anyone in the office can boss you around.
  • Must have an eye for detail: We have no quality control.
  • Career-minded: Female employees must be childless (and remain that way).
  • Apply in person: If you''re old, fat or ugly you''ll be told the position has been filled.
  • No phone calls please: We''ve filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.
  • Seeking candiates with a wide variety of experience: You''ll need it to replace the three people who just left.
  • Problem-solving a must: You''re walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
  • Requires team leadership skills: You''ll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.


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