Funny Jokes and Humor Quotes

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Top Ten New Year Resolutions

The ten funniest new year resolutions i've heard for this year.

  1. I resolve to work with neglected children. (my own).
  2. I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm with which I answer my e-mail.
  3. When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, "LOL... LOL!"
  4. I will not ring the stewardess button on airplanes just to get her phone number.
  5. I will balance my checkbook. (on my nose).
  6. I will think of a password for my computer other than "password."
  7. I will try to figure out why I "really" need 11 e-mail addresses.
  8. I will go into McDonald''s and order a McSpreader
  9. I will go into McDonald''s and order a McSlurry
  10. I will find out why the correspondence course on "Mail Fraud" that I purchased never showed up.