- After confirming everyone''s names on the roll, thank the class for attending "Advanced
Astrodynamics 690" and mention that yesterday was the last day to drop.
- Ask students to list their favorite showtunes on a signup sheet.
Criticize their choices and make notes in your grade book.
- Gradually speak softer and softer and then suddenly point to a student
and scream "YOU! WHAT DID I JUST SAY?"
- Deliver your lecture through a hand puppet. If a student asks you a question
directly, say in a high-pitched voice, "The Professor can''t hear you,
you''ll have to ask *me*, Winky Willy".
- Ask the class to read Jenkins through Johnson of the local phone book
by the next lecture. Vaguely imply that there will be a quiz.
- If someone asks a question, walk silently over to their seat, hand them your
piece of chalk, and ask, "Would YOU like to give the lecture, Mr.
Smartypants?"
- Pick out random students, ask them questions, and time their responses with
a stop watch. Record their times in your grade book while muttering "tsk,
tsk".
- Announce "you''ll need this", and write the suicide prevention
hotline number on the board.
- Start the lecture by dancing and lip-syncing to James Brown''s "Sex Machine."
- Mention in passing that you''re wearing rubber underwear.
- Have one of your graduate students sprinkle flower petals ahead of you
as you pace back and forth.
- Turn off the lights, play a tape of crickets chirping, and begin singing
spirituals.
- Ask for a volunteer for a demonstration. Ask them to fill out a waiver
as you put on a lead apron and light a blowtorch.
- Every so often, freeze in mid sentence and stare off into space for several
minutes. After a long, awkward silence, resume your sentence and proceed
normally.
- After turning on the overhead projector, clutch your chest and scream "MY
PACEMAKER!"
- Devote your math lecture to free verse about your favorite numbers and
ask students to "sit back and groove".
- Announce that last year''s students have almost finished their class projects.
- Wear a feather boa and ask students to call you "Snuggles".
- Claim to be a chicken. Squat, cluck, and produce eggs at irregular intervals.
- Bring a CPR dummy to class and announce that it will be the teaching assistant
for the semester. Assign it an office and office hours.
- Sprint from the room in a panic if you hear sirens outside.
- Pass out dental floss to students and devote the lecture to oral hygiene.
- Announce that the entire 32-volume Encyclopedia Britannica will be required
reading for your class. Assign a report on Volume 1, Aardvark through
Armenia, for next class.
- Tell your math students that they must do all their work in a base 11 number
system. Use a complicated symbol you''ve named after yourself in place of
the number 10 and threaten to fail students who don''t use it.
- Refer frequently to students who died while taking your class.
Refer frequently to students who died while taking your class.
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