| Customer support telephone lines are notoriously bad at giving the wrong information to helpless computer users. However the users themselves can be just as useless.... Operating System Mayhem... - Customer: "I don't use DOS. What would happen if I deleted that directory?"
- Friend: "Does Windows 98 support Linux?"
- Customer: (angrily) "You said I would get 98 windows with this computer. Where are they?"
- Customer: "I installed Windows 98 on my computer, and it doesn't work."
- Tech Support: "Ok, what happens when you turn on your computer?"
- Customer: "Boy, are you listening? I said it doesn't work."
- Tech Support: "Well, what happens when you TRY to turn it on?"
- Customer: "Look, I'm not a computer person. Talk regular English, not this computer talk, ok?"
- Tech Support: "Ok, let's assume your computer is turned off, and you just sat down in front of it, and want to use it. What do you do?"
- Customer: "Don't talk like I'm stupid, boy. I turn it on."
- Tech Support: "And then what happens?"
- Customer: "What do you mean?"
- Tech Support: "Does anything appear on your monitor? I mean, the TV part."
- Customer: "The same thing I saw last time I tried."
- Tech Support: "And that is what?"
- Customer: "Are you sure you know what you're doing?"
- Tech Support: "Yes, sir. What is on your screen?"
- Customer: "A bunch of little pictures."
- Tech Support: "Ok, in the upper left corner, do you see 'My Computer'."
- Customer: "No, all I see is that little red circle thing with the chunk out of it."
- Tech Support: "You mean an apple?"
- Customer: "I guess it kind of looks like an apple."
- Customer: "How much do Windows cost?"
- Tech Support: "Windows costs about $100."
- Customer: "Oh, that's kind of expensive. Can I buy just one window?"
- Tech Support: "May I ask what operating system you are running today?"
- Customer: "A computer."
- Tech Support: "How can I help you?"
- Customer: "Well, everything is working fine, but there is one program that is not."
- Tech Support: "What program is it?"
- Customer: "It's called 'MSDOS Prompt'."
- Tech Support: "What's wrong with it?"
- Customer: "Well, I click on it, a black screen shows up with NOTHING but a sign that reads: 'C:\WINDOWS>', and it just sits there and doesn't do anything. I have to turn off the system to go back to Windows."
- Customer: "I have Windows Thirty One."
- Tech Support: "Ok, this program requires either Windows 95 or Win32s. Do you have Win32s on your system?"
- Customer: "No, I have Windows Thirty One, not Thirty Two."
- Tech Support: "Windows 3.1 is the operating system. Win32s is a program that makes your computer fast like Windows 95."
- Customer: "What's Windows Ninety Five got to do with it?"
- Tech Supprort: "You need either Windows 95 or Win32s to run this."
- Customer: "I HAVE THIRTY ONE! WHY WON'T IT WORK?"
- Tech Support: "Ma'am, your computer is too old. Buy a new one with Windows 95."
- Customer: "I've heard about Windows Three Hundred and Eleven. Wouldn't that be better than Ninety Five?"
|
